Category Archives: Relationships

8 mindset changing takeaway thoughts for every women from ‘Lean In’ by Sheryl Sandberg

Recently I got a chance to read book ‘Lean In’ by Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook. Thoughts shared in the book by Sheryl are so powerful that still resonating in my mind and I felt the urge to share them with my blog readers. I am sure these mindset changing thoughts will definitely   help in motivating   women (working or non-working) to excel in life-   download

1) “A truly equal world will be one where woman ran half our countries and companies and men ran half our homes.”

Men are continually applauded for being ambitious, powerful and   successful but women who display same traits often pay a social penalty ,  we need more portrayals of women as competent professionals and happy mothers   many women feel like fraudulent when praised. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition , they feel undeserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made   Ariana Huffington advices we should let ourselves react emotionally and feel whatever anger or sadness being criticized evokes us. And then we should quickly move on”.-Embrace your success proudly and let go your frustrations easilyJ

2)We need more portrayals of   women as competent professionals and happy mothers, Fear is the root of so many barriers that many women face, Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention, Fear of   overreaching, Fear of being judged.”-It is our responsibility, as a woman to be fearless, to come out of our insecurities and to give our best in our professional and home front.

3) “Ask   a man to explain his success and he will typically credit his own innate qualities and skills. Ask a woman the same question she will attribute her success to external factors insisting she did well because she got lucky or got help.” –Start taking responsibility of your achievements and proudly give yourself credit for it.

4) “Instead of perfection, we should aim for sustainable and fulfilling. The right question is not “Can I do it all? But “Can I do what’s most important to my family?’’ The aim is to have children who are happy and thriving… The secret is there is no secret-just doing the best you can with what you have got”- Give your best to your present moment of your priorities. Have faith in yourself and things will definitely fall in pace

5) “Guilt management can be just as important as time management for women.”-I think every woman can relate to this statement and remember how many times in her life she has wasted her energy and time in managing her guilt of not able to take care of various things properly. Therefore guilt management has to be done mindfully so that women can focus on their growth by learning from their mistakes.

6) “Until women have supportive employers and colleagues as well as partners who share family responsibilities they don’t have real choice. And until men are fully respected for contributing inside the home they don’t have real choice either.”-This mutual partnership and understanding between husband and wife is strongly required for today’s generation. It is definitely not easy to change the mindset fast but yes it is responsibility on mothers of today’s generation to raise their boy and girl with same mindset.

7) “   True equality will be achieved only when we fight the stereotypes that hold us back. The goal is to work towards a world where those social norms no longer exists. If more children see their fathers at school pick-ups and mothers who are busy at jobs, both girls and boys will envision more options for them. Expectations will not be set by gender but by personal passion, talents and interests.”-This is golden saying as very well Sheryl has emphasized on importance of changing the mindsets of both men and women for equal growth. Stop setting expectations by gender.

 

8) “I have written this book to encourage women to dream big, forge a path through the obstacles, and achieve their full potential. I am hoping that each woman will set her own goals and reach for them with gusto. And I am hoping that each man will do his part to support women in workplace and in home also with gusto. As we start using the talents of the entire population, our institutions will be more productive, our homes will be happier and children growing in those homes will no longer be held by narrow stereotypes.”-This is a beautiful dream and I strongly pray for this dream to come true by next generation.

I am grateful to Sheryl Sandberg for writing this book as it has given me a new vision for myself and with what mindset I will be raising my kids. Cheers to womanhood!

Humbled by the modesty from great leaders-US President Obama and Indian Prime Minister Modi

US President Mr Obama’s visit as a chief guest for Indian Republic Parade to India was a  golden moment in Indian history! images Media was flourished with various reports about how both leaders of great Nations, Mr Narendra Modi , PM of India and Mr Obama were having various meetings and discussion to form some new policies and take some historic decisions to make this relationship between both countries stronger. I was not able to follow all stories and what all decisions were taken but this conversation between both leaders on Man Ki baat channel really touched my heart. What impressed me was the humbility by both leaders. In spite of being such great leaders both were down to earth and were so simple and humble in their speeches.   I just loved the way Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi and US President Barack Obama bonded over their humble beginnings on this radio show. All words were coming straight from their heart and this shows simplicity of their personality. I want my kids to listen to this talk when they grow up and understand the importance of simplicity in thoughts and get inspired by their high thinking. http://pmindiawebcast.nic.in/

Replete with rich personal anecdotes, the 30-minute amazing radio talk emphasized on a fact that both never imagined reaching high positions. “I think both of us have been blessed with extraordinary opportunity, coming from relatively humble beginnings,” Obama said in answer to a question. “When I think about what’s best in America and what’s best in India, the notion that a tea seller or somebody who is born to a single mother, like me, could end up leading our countries is an extraordinary example of the opportunities that exist within our countries.”

Modi added that he had never imagined holding the country’s top office “because, as Barack said, I came from a very humble background”.

As the son of a lower-caste tea vendor, Modi’s backstory is often compared to Obama’s inspirational rise to become America’s first black president.

Modi said he was “touched” when Obama gifted him a book on Swami Vivekananda during his US visit last year.

Thoughts shared in this talk show are reflecting that both leaders are down to earth in their approach and care aboout about each other’s values. Hats off to their humbleness!

Happiness is the key to success!

I love surfing internet whenever free(though have to really strive hard to get this free me time only on internet out of my big to do list;)))!

Just like that while carryingout my fav hobby I hit this write up which I will love to share with my readers-

http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/09/be-more-successful/      download

Awesome write up which reflects how a small change in thinking can really help you in achieving your dreams.

Now the challenge comes how to keep yourself always happy , when you are surrounded by tons of reasons to worry,get angry, irritated, fidget. I tried to give a shot and focussed on ignoring everything when challenging  situations came in front of me, and told myself that I will be happy.

Believe me, after whole day little mindfulness regarding my goal I observed that, though I cannot say that it was a happy day for me but yes it was a great mindful day .I observed that this way I am able to hold my thoughts for few seconds(in case of distraction) and collect myself and redirect my attention to something else. And when I am mindful I am more into my present moment and giving my 100 percent to it. This leads to better quality of my work produced and that gives me real happiness:)So what requires is constant practise of this habit, everyday. Then only you can master it.

So now my new year resolution  list has one more bullet to get ticked at the end of the year. I will focus to find key factors leading to happiness in whatever situations I am. Writer has very well explained the concept under these points-

  1. Success doesn’t bring happiness. Happiness brings success.
  2. See problems as challenges, not threats.
  3. More work means you need more social support. And giving support is better than receiving.
  4. Send a 2-minute “thank you” email every morning.
  5. Use the 20-second rule to build the habit

These points can really help people to lead a successful life filled with small small success pleasures in small small moments in journey of life!

 

 

 

 

In Pursuit Of Happiness!

Movies are great way to relax. Some movies help you to feel better, some helps you to laugh a bit and few are there which leave such an impact in your mind which cannot be forgotten. “In Pursuit of Happyness’is such a movie. I recently got a chance to watch this movie and was really moved by the storyline and found it must to share with my readers.

The Pursuit of Happyness is a film based on real life story of Chris Gardner who is a famous entrpreneur, investor, stockbroker, motivational speaker, author and philonthropist.In early 1980s he struggled with homelessness while raising his toddler son Christopher.  Gardner’s book of memoirs2006  is the base for the movie’ In pursuit of Happyness”. Directed by Gabriele Muccino, the film features Will Smith as Gardner, an on-and-off-homeless salesman-turned stockbroker. Smith’s son Jaden Smith co-stars, making his film debut as Gardner’s son Christopher Jr.

The unusual spelling of the film’s title comes from a sign Gardner saw when he was homeless. In the film, “happiness” is misspelled  as “happyness” outside the daycare facility Gardner’s son attends. The rousing, true-life story of a single dad who went from living on the streets to owning his own brokerage firm is brought to the big screen by superstar  Set in early-’80s San Francisco, the film charts the hard times and eventual comeback of Chris Gardner, a suddenly single salesman who has custody of his son, but finds that providing for the two of them is a challenge in the increasingly unstable economic climate. He struggles to work his way from unpaid intern at Dean Witter to something more substantial, even as life continues to offer him setbacks.

Film portrays a beautiful message that whatever are the conditions in your life, how much  low you are feeling, it is only your determination to succeed going to help you in raising your standards. So never stop dreaming. If you have a dream just go for it.

Real essence of friendship-Virtual or real time!

“I have 2000 friends on my facebook list!”, one of my friends boosted during our coffee meet. She was glowing with confidence that she is socially so well connected that she does’nt need real time friends and is really happy in her virtual world. “Who has time?”She reasoned out.Office, kids, husband, home, relatives, so many things to attend already in life. In such scenario virtual world of facebook is really giving satisfaction to  her  as it is satiating her desire of  having lots of friends.

I am not in authority of any  psychologist that I am questioning about the reliability of online friends. Initial pleasure of people getting added on my facebook list gave me a social boost and perhaps to my business but somewhere I was missing personal touch of chai sessions of my friends. I mean , how can you enjoy friendship virtually by just liking one friend’s status, or photographs or sharing about whats happening in our life. Social media sharing appeals to  me as I am living in a foreign country and it gives me a feeling of being in touch with people, friends and relatives whom I am not meeting regularly. I really admire Mark Zuckerberg creation which has made the world smaller.But he himself must be having his closed friends group with whom he must be meeting personally and not virtually:).

Friendships cannot be carried virtually. The personal touch of gossip, leg-pulling, sharings cannot be compared with online sharing of friendship. As it is said “True friends are like jewels, precious and rare, false one are like autumn leaves found everywhere.”Don’t take your real friends for granted. Give them your time because they deserve it.At the time when you require your friends most then only real friends come to you and not your virtual friends.

Don’t let your real friends go away from you because of your virtual friends. You are a living being. Start living your life in real terms and not virtually!

Blackberry Messenger Bonding!

I never thought of writing a phone review!    483_1

But Blackberry is really too good to be ignored.Features attached with Blackberry are really helpful and can make life  easier for all those workaholics. Specially the Blackberry messenger(BBM). Believe me friends its amazing and you won’t believe how it is helping in maintaining far distance relationships. In relationships what matters is communication and when we are far  at times feel so desperate to talk somebody who is close to us. Blackberry messenger comes to your rescue and connects you to your sweetheart, friend or anybody who is connected to you via blackberry.

Alright, for all those newcomers who are coming across blackberry messenger first time, BlackBerry Messenger is an instant messenger program for BlackBerry-to-BlackBerry communication utilizing your PIN code.BlackBerry Messenger is built into some of the newer devices. If your device does not come preloaded with BlackBerry Messenger, you can download it at http://www.blackberry.com/messengerthrough Internet Explorer or your Blackberry Browser. You cannot download it through FireFox Browser and the good news is Blackberry messenger is FREE to use.Isn’t it tempting!

BlackBerry Messenger is easy to set up, simple to use, and flat out gets the job done when it comes to sending quick messages to another BlackBerry user or even a group of users.
One of the things that I like most about BlackBerry Messenger is that all BlackBerry users are able to use it.

It can really help you to share your comments, snaps in one go and then that helps you to build a strong relationship. You have dressed up in your best dress and want to share that moment with your loved one, instantly you send a snap to your loved one for his reaction….its so fast and then you get the reaction instantly. You want to buy  something and want to know your hubby’s reaction to it…check through BBM. In such hectic life all those precious moments can be shared instantly and with more effect with your special ones.Any relationship can be made stronger with right use of messenger.Relatives, friends, fiancee, mother, father anybody. Its really cool to use!

TV Serials-A blessing in foreign countries!

I never thought that I will feel so happy sometime in life while watching few (not all) serials on our Indian Channels!

Yes , its true! I am staying in Singapore for last 3 years and at times I feel so much disconnected with my country, specially around festivals, marriage parties and other gatherings. When I watch such serials, specially like Sasural Genda Phool and Yeh Rishta Kya Kahlata Hai, I just miss that warmth of relations which is shown  between various characters. Whether it is between two sister-in-laws or cousins or any relationship.  In India we still value relations and at time of need everybody is there around you. There are so many occasions to celebrate and you can share your happiness with so many people around. Love filled communication with relatives and teasing between youngsters fill the home environment with uncomparable joy.

Just like others, in foreign countries we also get used to routine schedule rushing after some dream, trying to reach desired destination. In the ,meantime we forget that life is just not for destinations. It is for bonding between people. Friendship bond, bonding between relatives, brothers, sisters,  and so many other relationships which just happen by chance. May be with your old neighbour. In fact that bonding can happen with your maid too. I was just mesmerized when my MIL’s old maid desperately called her sometimes back to share news about her marriage. I mean she literally called her in Singapore and requested her to attend her party. She has worked for many years at my MIL’s house. Special bonding and love between her and my MIL was the reason behind it!

 When I watch these serials it reminds me who am I and where I belong to. To be honest, then suddenly I realize that I am missing so many things and start searching my Indian identity within myself. I am also  not able to show my kid the importance of relationships. Somehow I feel good if my kid watches those serials as he comes to know different aspects of relationships which we are not following  here. I want to congratulate directors of both the serials who have come up with such brilliant topic and who have stressed on the importance of relations in everybody’s life.

Happy viewing!

To all mothers, with love-Happy Mother’s Day!

 

 

 

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“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity;when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavour by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts”-Washington Irving 

I just love this day!

This day has always been a beautiful day for me as it gives me a chance to do something special for my mother. I always try to think of doing something different from every year, how can I make her feel special. Every daughter around the world must be making special efforts to plan a perfect day for her mother that day. After all mother’s are so special!

It’s interesting to look into history about origin of mother’s day in Wikipedia .In 1912, Anna Jarvis trademarked the phrases “second Sunday in May” and “Mother’s Day”, and created the Mother’s Day International Association. She was specific about the location of the apostrophe; it was to be a singular possessive, for each family to honour their mother, not a plural possessive commemorating all mothers in the world.

This is also the spelling used by U.S. President Woodrow Wilson in the law making official the holiday in the U.S., by the U.S. Congress on bills, and by other U.S. presidents on their declarations.

Common usage in English language also dictates that the ostensibly singular possessive “Mother’s Day” is the preferred spelling.

In today’s techno era there are so many things you can do to mark this day a special one. Just type on any search engine  on internet  you are bombarded with so many ideas, how to celebrate the day. Online shopping has made life easier for some of us who cannot physically be present with their mother. You can send her flowers, gifts, sweets, jewellery, gadgets, anything which you buy considering her preferences. If you can be with her that day then best way is to spend whole day with her, go out for shopping, eating out, plan a movie.

It’s such a busy life for everybody nowadays, many daughters can prefer just spending time with their moms at home , just chatting with her(not crying about their complains in life!), asking more about her, trying to know more about her through interacting with her, what she wants more in life, how are her friends doing? This can be fantastic planning as it will lead to a more friendly relation between you and your mother, and now your mother is sharing with you about her life choices instead of you sharing about yourself.

Just surfing the net I came across some movies and books regarding mothers which I will love to share with my readers.

Books-

The Adventures of Mighty Mom: It is a beautiful book written by Gwendolyn Mitchell Diaz which inspire mothers that they are the best. It emphasize on her utmost devotion and love for her child. 

Mothers are like that: This book is written by Carol Carrick. The book throws light on different species of mothers. A special relationship between a mother and her child has been highlighted. It lay emphasis on how a mother protect her child from worldly dangers and is always their for her motherly support. 

Dear Mom: Thank You for Everything: The book is an honest reflection of children’s thoughts and love for their beloved mom. Bradley Trevor Greive has used beautiful pictures and true words as a tribute to mothers everywhere. 

Love Lessons from My Mom: ‘Love Lessons from My Mom’ written by Kelly Corbet can be a prefect gift for anyone who has special feelings and thoughts for mothers. A quote from the book says it all, “A love lesson can come dressed as a baggage handler or a bag lady, from a family counselor or a drive-you-nuts member of your family A love lesson might even come in the shape of a flower growing in your backyard. It’s all in the invitation. So if you’re open to life, there’s no telling what great joys you’ll have over for tea or meet in a parking lot.” 

All That Matters: A Mother’s Memories: This book by Janis Hogan tells us that most important moments in our lives are day-to-day and minute-to-minute. The author has written the book as an eyewitness. We get into the story the way she creates the picture. She evokes importance of special moments in our lives. 

Some popular books by Indian authors-

Janani: This book is an exemplary piece of writing by Rinki Bhattacharya. The book brings together autobiographical writings of women from many walks of life. Janani explores motherhood in detail. The book has proved to be an immensely readable volume not only for mothers and daughters but also for fathers and sons sharing vivid relationships. 

Ma Keh Ek Kahani: This book is a set of 2 books. The book is specially meant for young kids. It carries a selection of 28 moral stories for children.

Mother India: Extremely fascinating book written by Gayatri Chatterji won itself a lot of critical acclaim not only in India but also in other countries. Mother India is highly a touching and serious melodrama which moves towards tragedy and hardships which a woman face when she loses everything form her husband to her home. This story was featured into a Bollywood film which was first to be nominated for Oscars. 

Movies-

Erin Brockovich
Erin Brockovich is a movie starring Julia Roberts, Albert Finny, Aaron Eckhart and Peter Coyote. Directed by Steven Soderbergh, the movie was released in 2000. Erin Brockovich is the story of a single mother, who fights against the injustice meted out to the common people.

Nine Months
Nine Months is a beautiful movie that shows the transition of a carefree guy into a matured and responsible man, when his girlfriend gets pregnant. It stars Hugh Grant, Julianne Moore, Robin Williams and Joan Cusack. The movie was directed by Chris Columbus and was released in 1995.

Parenthood
The story of Parenthood revolves around the sensitive relationship between parents and their children. It shows what happens when the parents set too high standards for their children. Directed by Ron Howard, the movie stars Steve Martin, Mary Steenburgen, Jasen Fisher, Dianne Wiest and Keanu Reeves.

Stepmom
The movie Stepmom was directed by Chris Columbus and was released in 1998. It stars Julia Roberts, Ed Harris and Susan Sarandon. Stepmom is the story of terminally ill mother, who has to accept the new woman in her ex-husband’s life as the stepmother of her children.

Terms of Endearment
The story of ‘Terms of Endearment’ revolves around the relationship between a mother and her daughter. Directed by James L. Brooks, the movie is an adaptation of the novel by Larry McMurtry. It stars Shirley MacLaine, Debra Winger, Jack Nicholson and Jeff Daniels.

Relationships are very important for every individual and the mother daughter relationship is unique and sweet one as both can relate so well to each other. There are so many things to make your mother special, just do it and don’t forget to say I love you Mom and enjoy the smile on her face forever-Happy Mother’s day!

A must watch change of Heart movie for couples-Fireproof!

Are you having troubles in understanding each other in your marriage! Watch movie Fireproof.bannerdvd

Never leave your partner behind ….. with this message behind , Fireproof is an awesome movie, and a must watch for every married couple, no matter at what stage of marriage you are. Its about love, hatred, sacrifices, ego, attitude, compassion, gratitude and much more.

The gripping story follows one man’s desire to transform his life and marriage through healing power of faith. Kirk Cameron as Caleb Holt, a heroic fire captain who values dedication and service to others above all else.At home, in the cooling embers of his marriage, he lives by his own rules. The most important partnership, his marriage, is about to go in smoke. Growing up, Catherine Holt(Caleb’s wife) always dreamed of marrying a loving, brave firefighter…just like her daddy. Now, after seven years of marriage, Catherine wonders when she stopped being “good enough” for her husband. Regular arguments over jobs, finances, housework, and outside interests have readied them both to move on to something with more sparks.   How he comes out of this situation, how he faces all oddities and his ego problems, the story has no loopholes and you will never leave your seat till end. Its such an inspiring story.

FIREPROOF is the third movie co-written and directed by Alex Kendrick. Along with his brother Stephen, Alex has written FLYWHEEL and FACING THE GIANTS, the surprise theatrical hit of 2006. 

If you really love your partner and want to improve upon your relationship, grab the DVD of Fireproof!

Everybody Says I am Fine!

It just dawned upon me that we are in dearth of closer relationships in comparison to our previous generation!

True relationships are rare these days. As we get busier with our lives we devote less time to our relations and one day suddenly you realize that there is no warmth in your relationship. At times I think that friends, with whom you interact more become  more closer to you than your relatives. I wonder how to make such relationships more closer and stronger where everybody only says I am fine!

Honest relationships are those where you really care for the person and are really hurt if you find the other person sad. Many times husband wife relationship  becomes formal when both start saying to each other I am fine, what about you? Its odd, you stay together, eat together, have same family and still are not aware about your partner’s dream. That’s the loophole of any relationship. Be it friend, relative, husband, wife or even with kids. Demand for today’s time is to have verbal relationship. We say we don’t want to speak others feeling by speaking to him about his shortcomings. But then you are spoiling the relationship. Life is like really a puzzle, you don’t speak when you are required to speak, and you only speak when you are not required to speak.

Effort should be made to know the otherside completely. How you can aspect the other person open to you when you are not ready to listen to him. If you are not interested in his dreams, his likes, dislikes, what he thinks about other issues then why he will give you importance. Try creating interest in relationship and thats the key to any successful relationship!