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Boost Your Understanding of Narcissist’s Attitude With These Tips

Womenlines takes pleasure to welcome Lynn McIntosh, as a guest contributor at Womenlines. Lynn has shared a very interesting article on an understanding of a Narcissist’s attitude-

Let’s take an inventory regarding the attitude that a narcissist has towards you.


Do you ever get the idea that the narcissist in your life is unimpressed by you?  That this individual has low regard or low level of respect for you. Do you ever get the sense that they are really dismissive towards you and all the many ways you like to think and do?  Do you ever think that person has a condescending attitude towards you or is using you?  

The above happens almost every time you are in the narcissist’s presence because that is how they think.  There is one simple phrase that summarizes the narcissist’s attitude towards you and it’s “you’re not me.”  They think that is a good way for them to think.

The narcissist has their set of standards and you just don’t meet up to them.  There is that sense of haughtiness and it reflects their need to be in control over you because they have such an inflated understanding of who they are.  There are implications spilling over from that statement “you’re not me.”  It’s also their way of implying you don’t think like me (and you should) or you don’t prioritize like me, you don’t have the same skills like me, you don’t have the same connections as I do, you don’t have the right beliefs like I do.
They have this need to build themselves up by saying “you’re not me” that gives them the opportunity to think “well if you look at me, you are going to see what an enlightened person looks like.”  When they say “you’re not me” it implies insults.  Insults such as you’re defective, you’re inadequate,  you’re inferior, you’re unenlightened and furthermore you’re a nuisance too.  You’re confused and you’re probably wrong.  You have baggage, you can’t be trusted, you’re emotionally imbalanced.


When they think “you’re not me” you’re thinking “what did I do to deserve this?”  “Why do you think so poorly of me?”  There is one simple answer to that and its “you showed up.”  When you are in the narcissists’ presence and after a while when they realize you’re not going to fit into that mould that they have for you, here comes that notion “you’re not me” and all of the insults that go along with it.
I have clients coming to me saying “I’m never going to be able to please this person.”  This individual is constantly in a bad mood.  What does that statement “you’re not me” tell us about what is going on in the interior of the narcissistic person?

Lynn McIntosh

Relationship Coach and author

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