Women Lines

Children need to feel our endless, unconditional love in order to grow, learn and trust. They need to love themselves so they can learn to love others. 

It’s a very natural fact for every parent and don’t think I am preaching the basics of parenting that please love your child, because every parent on this earth loves has  boundless love for their kids. My emphasis is on the second line that they have to love themselves first so that they can  have the feel of this emotion for everybody around them. This can be done only if he is getting ample of love from his near and dear one. THIS LOVE SHOULD BE EXPRESSED LOVE IN SOME FORM. No doubt that you must be having ample of love for your child but what matters is how you express it. Do you express it by buying gifts and toys for him. Or do you express by taking him out for his outings. Love shouldn’t be dependent upon material things. It should come out straight from heart and if you express it to your kid in some creative ways then it will leave everlasting effect on him.

Kids must trust you that no matter what happens, whatever mistake they do they can come to you and you are always there for them. If this trust is there then nothing can come between you and your kid.

I came across interesting sharing from a mother that how she  tied a little silver whistle from a long, red ribbon to hang on a wooden heart with a peg  and painted the words “Need a little hug? Give a little whistle!” around the edge of the heart. She hanged it on the kitchen wall. She was little apprehensive initially and thought that her kids are might too old for that and would think it is silly.But she heard the whistle blew,time by time, year after year. I consider it as a most wonderful way of communicating that kids need our time, they need to talk or need a hug.

If you have will there are ways…Just give a thought how you want to love your kid!

Are you taking your parenting job very seriously?

Then you might be coming in smothering parent category with !

Take a break. Parenting is not a project to be finished with perfection. Its a life long journey and it has to be dealt with its requirement as and when needed.  Give space to your kids and to yourself too.

Parenting has become a big subject in today’s society and there are abundant books, classes, coaches, to guide you how to be a successful parent. But mind you, if your kid is observing you tensed and always worried . about some issue relating to him,whether its his studies, or diet or even hobby class he will never like it. He will more be pleased if he is observing you happy and contended with your life and taking it easily. Don’t create complications and unnecessary pressure for yourself by trying to be a cop parent.

Kids find their parents as their role model and they will exactly behave as you behave in your life. This should be warning signal for you  as whatever emotions also you are going through will effect him and will replicate you same way when he will grow up.

Start checking yourself if you are interfering in your kid’s life too much. Don’t always be bothered if he is not keeping up perfectly to everything you want from him. Let him be a normal individual who can also make mistakes and learn from them.

Life will be more full of happiness and love around if every individual is  having space for themselves and enjoying it individually under their own capacity.So stop being a smothering parent and let some oxygen come in between your life.

Recognizing children’s assets is another way which can helps us in moulding our child’s behaviour positively!

When we think of assets, we usually think about money in the bank or property, and natural resources like oil or gold. But every human being also has personal assets like gift of heart, mind, and that’s his true wealth. The more a person understands what these are and develops them , the richer his or her life will be. I came across this thought in one parenting book -”Every child is unique in himself. There may be particular talents, strengths, and conditions that are natural to follow when he or she learns. Being ineffective and going against a child’s grain is what squanders human resources. A willingness to wonder and be curious with a child about how to use his or her assets to overcome challenges increases effectiveness.”

There are different patterns which can help in determining those assets in our kids. Observe these features-

1.What are our child’s accomplishments?

2.What helps our child to concentrate , make decisions, and imagine new possibilities?

3. We have to give a thought on innate ways of thinking that our child excels at and is energized by.

It is emphasized in some parenting books that “Children whose assets have been recognized and supported are strong learners who trust their own abilities, they know and can explain how they learn and recognize what they need in any given situation. They can maximize both internal and external resources to satisfy those needs. They have ready access to their inventiveness, courage, intuition, and concentration. They know how to solve problem creatively, to care for themselves, to think well with others, to motivate themselves, and to evaluate their own performance. They know they matter, they know they are important, they know they can make difference to world”.

How much important is to recognize our child’s assets!

As a parent we have to shift our attention to child’s capabilities. Instead of worrying that our kid is not up to some performance like other kids, or giving generalized comments to our child with a thought of motivating him we have to  change our thinking pattern. We should notice what is true of our child’s capabilities, what he or she has accomplished, learned and achieved.  This recognition nourishes a child’s inherent sense of self-worth, the understanding that he or she possesses certain gifts, and it is her responsibility to share with rest of the world. (continued)

Environment in home can have profound effect on child’s behaviour!

Environment in home can be defined in terms of space around whole home and how clean its is. Other way of looking at environment around home is the emotional  and environment full of empathy. One book says that ” We are hardwired  to feel one anpther’s happiness and pain more deeply than ever we knew. This news is both exciting and humbling. It means we are truly born to connect. Facial expressions are contagious. Empathy is the connective tissue of parenting. It enables us to establish a bond of trust with our children and to meet them with our hearts as well a soul minds. Empathy enhances our insights , sharpens our hunches, and at the same time even allows us to read one other’s minds. ”

Isn’t it very interesting to know that we as a parent can easily catch our kids sadness, anger or whatever emotion he is going through but at the same time it is quite true that he is also able to catch your emotional state! We have to be very mindful about our behaviour, actions, and words. One parenting book emphasizes that “The more mindfull the parent is is of her own bodily responses and actions, the more skillfully the parent can choose to engage mirror neurons to gain valuable information about a childs emotional state.”

The river of empathy is running from both sides-parent to kid and vice- verse. When you are slowing down, your child is mimicking you and unconsciously he is also slowing down , but if you are suffering from anxiety then it also effects him in the same way. Therefore it is very necessary to remain in your present surroundings always, specially as a parent. At times due to some emotional infection we are not aware about our sensations. Its  must to take some action at that time. Whenever you find yourself centering you can -”1. Take few breaths, feel the sensations of your own body, feel your own centre of gravity in your pelvis, you can feel your hand also.2-Hum a song to yourself, touch your heart tenderly.” There are numerous ways to become actively aware of your own sensations and come out of sync with your child.

Parenting is having its own ways. But there are certain rules to it which can help in taking out best of your child. Why not to apply those rules practically in life and nurture our kid’s environment with love forever. Happy Parenting!

Communication plays a key role in creating desirable behaviour in our kids!

The ability to communicate with others, to share experience, to collaborate, and to exchange information is very important in today’s times. To achieve it parents have to start setting the base since childhood  by having positive communication most of the time. Always think of mistakes as experiments rather that failures. Whenever your kid makes some mistake don’t react, or shout, just try to  create a positive environment.This act of yours will teach him how to handle your anger. You have to express your anger in words rather than in action. Words doesn’t mean you have to shout or yell, softly you have to make him aware that why you are upset. There are many ways to control your anger. Counting numbers, moving to some other place at that moment only, drinking water, and many more. Follow any habit but definitely do it. Most of the parenting books emphasize on th importance of communication in parenting.

One book I came across explains that one of the biggest misconceptions we suffer from is the assumption that all human beings use the same process of understanding. Every individual has different set pattern of thinking and understanding. We Have to understand that aspect of our kid while dealing with him or her. While communicating also we have to make him understand what is the appropriate behaviour in simple words. Don’t make the situation complex by acting as cops- “you should do this” ,”yous should not speak loudly”, “don’t go there”…etc. It takes extra effort to explain him the consequences softly  and with patience. Invest time in communicating with your kid. Try to understand his choices, his dislikes, why he said something wrong, what was his motive behind some particular wrong action. You will be amazed to see that how much he wants to share with you now.

At times we also make mistakes. Sometimes we scold our kid for wrong reasons, or by mistake we say something wrong, always say sorry. Never think being a parent you can take your position for granted. Always say sorry and see how easy it will be for your child to say sorry. There are many small talks during whole day which can create a huge positive impact on your child personality.

Happy Parenting!