In today’s world, effective leadership strategies are evolving, and women in high-stakes leadership roles are learning to navigate the complexities of balancing empathy with authority, all while overcoming the “likeability tax.” The image of the strong, authoritative, and stoic leader is being reshaped to include empathy, collaboration, and emotional intelligence. Yet for women, especially those in high-stakes leadership roles, navigating this terrain comes with an extra challenge: the “likeability tax.”
This so-called tax refers to the social penalty women often pay for being assertive or authoritative. A man exhibiting strong leadership traits may be called confident or decisive, while a woman doing the same might be labeled as aggressive or cold. To rise and lead effectively, women have learned to wield a powerful tool: strategic warmth—a conscious balance of warmth and strength.
Let’s dive into what strategic warmth really means, why it matters, and how the most successful women leaders use it to command respect without sacrificing authenticity or falling into the likeability trap.
Understanding the Likeability Tax
The likeability tax is not just a buzzword—it’s a well-documented phenomenon backed by research. According to studies by psychologists and sociologists, people often have unconscious biases about how men and women “should” behave. These biases create a double bind: women are expected to be warm and nurturing, while leaders are expected to be strong and assertive.
But when women display strong leadership traits (confidence, decisiveness, ambition), they are often perceived as less likeable. Conversely, if they prioritize likeability by being agreeable and accommodating, they risk being perceived as weak or incapable of leading.
This creates a catch-22: Be strong and risk being disliked, or be liked and risk being underestimated. Strategic warmth offers a way out.
What is Strategic Warmth?
Strategic warmth is the intentional use of empathy, communication, and emotional intelligence to build trust and connection, while still demonstrating competence, confidence, and authority.
It’s not about being fake or manipulating others—it’s about being smart and emotionally aware. It’s the ability to show that you care without compromising your command.
Imagine a leader who walks into a room and immediately makes people feel seen and heard, but who also delivers tough decisions with clarity and confidence. That’s strategic warmth.
Why Strategic Warmth Works
Humans are wired to respond to warmth and strength, but not necessarily in that order. According to Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy, when we evaluate others—especially leaders—we look for two traits first: warmth and competence.
Interestingly, warmth comes first. Why? Because people want to know your intentions before they care about your abilities. If they trust your intentions, they’re more likely to accept your authority.
Top women leaders understand this. They start with connection and follow with strength, creating a leadership style that feels inclusive and inspiring rather than intimidating.
Real-World Examples of Strategic Warmth
Let’s look at how some of the world’s most powerful women use strategic warmth in their leadership:
Jacinda Ardern (Former Prime Minister of New Zealand)
Ardern gained global praise for her leadership style—empathetic yet decisive. After the 2019 Christchurch shootings, her warm, inclusive messaging united a nation, while her swift policy actions demonstrated authority and resolve. She didn’t choose between warmth and strength—she led with both.
Indra Nooyi (Former CEO of PepsiCo)
Indra Nooyi is known for writing personal letters to the parents of her top executives, thanking them for raising outstanding individuals. At the same time, she led PepsiCo through massive restructuring and bold strategic moves. Her genuine care for people built loyalty, while her business acumen commanded respect.
Sheryl Sandberg (Former COO of Meta/Facebook)
In her bestselling book Lean In, Sandberg acknowledged the challenges women face in leadership. Her ability to talk openly about vulnerability and work-life balance made her relatable, while her sharp execution at Meta demonstrated her strategic brilliance.
These women didn’t choose between likeability and leadership—they built a bridge between the two.
Key Components of Strategic Warmth
So, how do top women leaders cultivate strategic warmth? Here are the essential elements:
- Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
High EQ is the foundation. Leaders who are self-aware, empathetic, and skilled at navigating emotions are more capable of managing interpersonal dynamics and building trust.
- Active Listening
People feel valued when they’re truly heard. Top leaders listen with attention, ask thoughtful questions, and reflect understanding—not just to be polite, but to form deeper relationships.
- Authenticity
Strategic warmth isn’t about pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s about leaning into your true self while being mindful of how others perceive you. Authenticity builds credibility.
- Clarity in Communication
Warmth doesn’t mean avoiding tough conversations. It means delivering clear, honest feedback in a respectful, constructive manner. It’s how you say it that matters.
- Boundary Management
Leaders who are strategically warm set boundaries with grace. They know how to say “no” firmly but kindly, showing respect for others without sacrificing their own standards.
The Role of Culture and Context
Strategic warmth isn’t one-size-fits-all. What works in one culture or workplace may not in another. For instance, leadership expectations in tech startups may differ from those in government or healthcare.
Top women leaders learn to read the room and adapt their tone and approach based on context. They also recognize how race, age, and other identity factors intersect with gender and influence perceptions.
How Emerging Leaders Can Practice Strategic Warmth
Whether you’re a student leader, a new manager, or aspiring executive, strategic warmth is a learnable skill. Here’s how to start:
1. Know Your Strengths
Start by understanding your natural leadership style. Are you more analytical? Empathetic? Expressive? Use self-awareness to leverage your strengths.
2. Practice Mindful Communication
Before responding, pause. Ask yourself: Am I being clear? Am I being kind? The best leaders balance both.
3. Ask for Feedback
Create a safe space where colleagues can share how your communication style affects them. Feedback helps you fine-tune your presence.]
4. Learn from Role Models
Study leaders you admire—especially women who balance warmth and strength. Observe how they carry themselves in meetings, how they handle conflict, and how they inspire others.
5. Keep Evolving
Leadership is not a fixed trait—it’s a muscle you build. Stay open to learning, unlearning, and growing.
Final Thoughts: Leading with Humanity and Power
The world doesn’t need more leaders who dominate rooms. It needs leaders who can connect and elevate others—who can lead with both heart and backbone.
Strategic warmth is not a compromise. It’s a superpower.
Women leaders who master this balance are not just avoiding the likeability tax—they are redefining leadership itself. They are proving that kindness and confidence, compassion and clarity, softness and strength are not opposites. Together, they are the new face of powerful leadership.
Call to Action
If you’re a woman aspiring to lead, remember this: You don’t have to choose between being liked and being respected. You can be both. Use warmth to open doors, and strength to walk through them.
Lead with purpose. Speak with heart. Decide with confidence.
And let the world adjust to your power.
Khushbir Bamrah
Intern, Womenlines
Also read: Crushing Barriers: The Challenges Women Leaders Navigate on the Road to Leadership
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