Womenlines takes pleasure to welcome Underneath the Pink Umbrella as a guest contributor on Womenlines panel. Underneath the Pink Umbrella is a student in Singapore and feels strongly about women issues. This month she is sharing the lessons about relations that she has learnt.
Underneath the Pink Umbrella: Recently, I was having a reflective moment, thinking about how my freshman year went by. I would not be able to recognise who I was a year back. Meeting so many new people and forming so many new friendships in such a short time, I saw that people may not be who they seem to be, and you can find new relations in the most unexpected of places. Therefore, I thought it to be fitting to share what I think is my perspective on all the relations in my life. I love meeting new people and keeping in touch, but this to can become burdensome sometimes. But at the same time, each person is important to me and if they came into my life, I believe they came for a reason. However, if they’d had to leave, it took me time to realise the topic of my article this week:
What does it mean to truly let go?
As, humans, and especially women, we do have more people to think about and have more relations to take care of. Being the more emotionally sensitive gender, (sorry for the generalization), we try to ensure that the feelings of our cherished ones aren’t hurt. Therefore, each one of us (not excluding men) forms an attachment of a sort with whomever we meet.
We have attachments to these people: some intense, some superficial, some cordial, some obligatory, but they exist. New relations, or the more neutral, emotionally devoid term: new connections are formed almost every day. Every person we meet forges a connection with us.
Within these connections, there can be disputes, disagreements and discord. The nature of the connection would determine how deeply the argument would have affected you. It could either be a petty one which resolves itself, or one which has left a deep and lasting impression of you. This may or may not affect your perceptions about people in general. Each fight is like a learning lesson. In the heat of the moment, we can turn into someone whom we aren’t anything like or say some things we didn’t intend to. But after all, is said and done, we have to learn how to let it go.
This is a learning process that took me a long time to comprehend. If it was something petty, it could be beneficial to just simply forgive and forget. But for the more intense ones, if you and that person aren’t able to talk to each other, remember to give space. Time does heal everything. Remember, it will get better. After calming down, it is very important to reflect and relive the fight. Just put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to rationalize why they said what they did. Then, analyze what you said, and if you were wrong, why you did it. Doing this is crucial, because, when the time to end the fight comes, you will be able to handle it better because you know why you are apologizing, and help the other person understand why you reacted as you did.
Today, I feel people don’t take out the time to reflect and ponder over the effects of an emotionally charged interaction. And in turn, there are many of these connections that are ended because of one moment. I feel, unless the bond with that person is worthwhile, those relationships are forgotten and cut off. People treat other people like they can be discarded. But that should not be the case. You may think, ‘but I’m not like that’, however during fights, you never know what type of person you can morph into.
The key is to stop expecting. Having expectations is what causes more disputes. “I thought you would have done so…” or “I at least expected that you of all people…” etc. These lines crystallize what it means to have expectations. Obviously, this does not mean that you have to stop expecting decent human behaviour, and what certain relationships, such as romantic ones ought to have. But, it means that instead of hoping for it, ask for it. This would make life easier for everyone. There is no guesswork involved then and you can alter your expectations of that person accordingly.
When such connections of low expectations are established, those same disputes would become infrequent and easier to let go of. If you are an emotional person, and you see yourself being ill-treated, it is no point getting worked up about it. Instead, fight for yourself if you need to. Being indifferent is a skill that so many men I know possess. It is such a valuable feature which help them think pragmatically and not get so affected by people’s shortcomings. It may seem like a negative trait. However, there is a difference between being heartless and indifferent. Indifference just means you don’t take everything to heart, yet at the same time, you aren’t impervious to feelings and emotions. This quality helps one become more easy-going and less prone to succumb to life’s challenges.
Endings and beginnings. Always be open to BOTH. Believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason. If this becomes your life motto, it will help you see a rainbow after every rain. There are times when the connection can turn toxic, and even after your best efforts, there is nothing more you can do, and that connections become an emotional parasite. In such cases, be objective and try to ensure that you have done everything in your power to retain the connection. Yet, remember people can’t change overnight, so if you can’t continue it, end it on a happy note. Letting go of people is not easy. It can be traumatic as well. But remember something better might be in store for you. It is a beautiful thing to heal the relations which may have ended on a sour note. It ended for a reason, hence it may not become a part of your life again, but there should be no hard feelings in the aftermath. A positive end will show that you are capable of forming new positive connections. Never judge a person based on what you hear, rather experience it yourself and be open to the hurt or happiness that it may cause.
Every connection will make you grow, but when it has to be let go, don’t be afraid. You should feel better after doing so, because only you can ensure your own well being and truly let go of the negativity.
Underneath the Pink Umbrella:
Hey! I am currently a freshman studying business, quite boring you might think, right? But I’m passionate about it! Besides that, I’m passionate about women’s rights, which is a topic that has been debated for centuries. A historian and artist, I try to research the story behind everything and imbue creativity in whatever I do. My contributions will show you my stance on women’s issues and offer a historical background and a fresher and more relatable perspective on the world and women around you.
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