How somebody can move ahead in life if she is suffering from the grief of untimely demise of the pillar of her life.Ms. Rashmi Sandeep has moved on or rather moved forward! She is an HR professional with 16 years of experience in the IT industry. Along with this, she is also an inspirational speaker and healer. Through this article, Rashmi shares her personal experience of loss of her “Pillar of Strength: Her Father” and how she has dealt with the grief by embracing it and moving with it. This article opens her heart and feelings. She wanted to share the learning through this article with the world that has helped her to move further in life-
When a relationship is over it leaves us with a feeling of numbness and void. The emotional vacuum that sets in is something that cannot be explained nor expressed in words. It’s an intense silence.
What do we do when the silence sets in?
We have to pick ourselves up and move forward. A baby step is all it needs to start all over again. Begin the new chapter with Self Care and Self-love.
Self-Care is the act of taking care of your physical and mental balance. It’s the time invested to find your peace through hobbies and small interests.
Self-love, on the other hand, is about cultivating the habit of acceptance of self emotionally and physically.
Below is the simple Self-care and Self-love routine that will help cope up with the void and eventually help us make friends with grief.
Get Up and Move: No matter how much you are in an emotional pain get up and move. You will feel tired, heavy and totally uninterested but this is the breakthrough point when the pattern has to be changed. Exactly at this point is when you have to push yourself to move the body and let the sleeping hormones get active and bring in the fresh gush of energy into your blood. Make room for healthy habits. Start it slow and start it small as you are not in a hurry.
Pull your confidence back: Traumatic emotional experience will break your confidence. It will leave you cocooned and shattered, but this is also the same experience which makes you even stronger and smarter. “What doesn’t break you makes your stronger” is a famous quote and this is True. If you survived and lived the moment of pain then you can also stand up and take your power back from the pain and move forward.
Narrate a different story: Every moment of pain or joy in our lives is defined by a story we tell ourselves about an experience. Emotional pain after losing a family member can be easily narrated as “ He/ she lived their lives in high spirit & celebration and it’s now time to salute their experience and fare them well so that fresh experience can be created.” This is my version of narrating a positive experience to existing pain.
Own your Emotions up: It’s totally fine to acknowledge the highs and lows of pain. It is totally fine to grieve over a situation. However, don’t let sadness and pain be part of you for long. Anything that clinches you over a month or 2 thereafter becomes a habit. Don’t fall prey to these habits. Use the mixed-up emotional churns to create new experiences. If need be to step out make new friends, find a friend who can lift you up, explore the unexplored side of yours, start compassion services. Convert your painful emotions into blessings for others. Help poor people, feed the hungry, spend time with people who have none to talk to. Remember that when you share kindness is when you heal. Emotional Healing is a conscious effort. Emotional healing has to happen every day, every hour. If not we can never move forward.
Practice Silence: Every day for 30mins, keep your phone away. Stay off the television, switch off the music system, Go on social media detox. During this 30mins sit quietly and focus all your senses towards recalling happy moments of life. Recall the last time you were truly happy and bask in that feeling of happiness. Be there in the moment and enjoy the silence and the peace that engulf you. Breath slowly and observe the pattern of breathing while enjoying the peace.
To conclude Let’s move forward with our life not by faking our emotions or ignoring our pain. Let’s just embrace the grief and carry on with our day to day life and live One day at a time!
Womenlines team has no words to express for Ms Rashmi’s loss, as such losses create a big vacuum in life. May God give her strength and courage to move forward in life!
Ms. Rashmi Sandeep
Human Resource- Business Partner & Motivational Speaker